Hard to be myself.

I told myself, there is a stronger me in this world.
I fooled myself, there is a smarter me in this world.
I deceived myself, there is a me in this world.


I'm not strong, lacking both determination and perseverance.
I'm not smart, lacking both psychological and philosophical depth.
I'm not myself, lacking both love and hatred.


I vowed, not to be disappointing.
I swore, not to be failed.
I soared, not to be useless.


I'm disappointing, with hope slowly draining away from me.
I'm failed, with reality gradually drifting away from me.
I'm useless, with purpose crisply spiraling away from me.


I'm not pessimistic.
I'm not nihilistic.
I'm not antagonistic.


So what?


I'm not myself, I conclude.